Pregnancy Blues

            I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and I’m sick and tired of it! I know this may sound harsh and unacceptable to most women and probably men but this is the way I feel. Quite frankly I started feeling this way during the end of my second trimester but now it’s only getting worse.

            It’s getting more and more uncomfortable to sleep. Even sleeping on my sides is getting harder to do. I wake up at least 10 times at night thanks to my ever-full bladder. My feet are more often sore than not and they hurt. I get leg cramps and body aches. I’m always tired and can hardly breathe properly. I’m always feeling hot and stuffy. I can barely walk straight thanks to all the weight I’ve gained and the feeling of having a bowling ball in between my thighs. I sometimes find myself crying to my husband and throwing fits because of how uncomfortable I feel.

            Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby and I would go through anything for him but it’s getting harder and harder as the days go by. I know I have less than two weeks and yet I already want my baby out. I’ll be probably be judged by most people for feeling this way but I, quite frankly don’t care. Getting pregnant is so easy but staying pregnant takes a lot of strength and patience.

            I was always one of those women who couldn’t wait to get pregnant and wanted to experience having that pregnant belly. But now that I actually do, I never imagined it would be this hard. I’m not one of the lucky women out there who goes through minimal pregnancy symptoms. I must have gone through all the symptoms there are accept for maybe getting haemorrhoids or being constipated.   

            Another thing that annoys the hell out of me is when I share these feelings with people, they always tell me to be patient and take it easy. I know that’s how I’m supposed to feel but I don’t and I can’t. It is what it is. After surfing the net and finding out that I’m not the only pregnant woman who feels this way makes me feel a little better and less guilty about feeling the way I do.

            I also get this constant fear of having to go through a C-section. I am so afraid that my doctor is going to say that I’m going to need one because the baby is too big. I don’t think I could handle it if that happens as I’m deathly afraid of being cut open. Having to go the healing process is also going to be hard and will probably take a long time. I can’t have that happen to me. I refuse to.

            If I have an option of inducing labour before the baby gets too big in the next few days, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I rather go through labour pains than being cut open. I don’t need any more scars on my body than I already do thanks to the stretch marks on my belly. My body has already gone through a whole lot of changes and it would be unfair to put my body through more stress and pain.

I think it’s time for me to hold my baby in my arms instead of carrying him around in my belly. I hope my doctor finds a way of helping me get my baby out as soon as possible unless off course the baby decides to join us sooner. I would love nothing more than to finally be able to see and hold him after all this time. Let’s all pray and hope for my sake that it happens sooner rather than later. 

The Blame Game

            I have found that whenever something bad happens, most people blame God by saying that He is cruel, He doesn’t love us or that He is dead. I personally think it’s unfair and a cop out. It’s so rare that I come across people who acknowledges and praise God when good things happen to them. Most tend to internalize it and give themselves the credit. Why the double standards? It’s contradictory and arrogant.

            Let’s face it, at some point or another we are all guilty of this, including myself. But I quickly came to a realization that good or bad; it is my action that essentially determines the outcome of a situation or problem. I realized that the sooner I take responsibility of my own actions, the better I will be at facing the consequences. I don’t blame God for anything anymore; in fact I always thank God and praise myself for having faith in Him when good things happen in my life.

I believe that when you have faith in the ‘big man’ things will happen in your life. When they are good things, you get elated and you thank God for it. But when they are bad, you need to take it in stride, accept and understand that it’s only bad because you perceive it to be. I think that when bad things happen, there’s always something there for us to learn from. That’s what life lessons are.

God isn’t cruel or mean. Neither is He vengeful or unforgiving. He is always there for us and always talks to us. The problem is we have all stopped listening. We need to take time and listen to him, see the signs that He gives. Have faith in Him for everything that happens always happens for a good reason. We may not be able to see the silver lining but its there. We just need to look long enough and we’ll find it.

Take responsibility of your own actions and face the consequences. Stop the blame game and take a good look at yourselves. It is easy and convenient to blame God for everything bad that happens. If you’re comfortable in doing so, then you should also praise Him when good things take place in your life. Don’t make Him out to be an evil and vengeful entity. He is always there for us, all we need to do is embrace Him and accept our lives for what it is and strive to make it better if need be. In the end, we are the ones living it, might as well make the best out of it.