Pregnancy

            Ever since I can remember, whenever I used to see a pregnant woman with her belly sticking out, I’d wish I would have it some day. In fact, I would sometimes stuff a pillow under my dress or shirt just to see how I’d look having a pregnant belly of my own. I would gaze at it for a long time in the mirror wishing I’d be able to experience it someday.

            Never did I imagine that pregnancy is one of the hardest things a woman can put herself through. Getting pregnant has been one of the best and worst experiences of my life. Now let me just elaborate on the bad and then the good things about being pregnant. I’m going to be as blunt and honest as I possibly can as I find it therapeutic not only to myself but to other women who’s pregnant for the first time.

The bad stuff:

            I’m one of those unlucky women who put on more than 25kg in my first pregnancy, that I could hardly recognize myself. It has been hard to look at myself in the mirror and see myself growing broader and broader as the pregnancy progresses. Besides the protruding belly, I find myself putting on weight in places I never thought was possible for someone like me who’s always been slim and trim.

            I remember breaking down during a number of occasions when I couldn’t fit into my clothing. There were times I refused to get out of the house because I couldn’t find anything to wear. I know it sounds ridiculous but I have never been this heavy in my entire life.

Thanks to the weight I can barely walk for more than an hour without getting sore feet and ankles. The water retention can be a massive pain in the legs, and I mean this literally. I constantly need a massage to relieve the pain it causes. Oh and the lethargy that comes with pregnancy can be such a pain especially when you need to get things done around the house or even to just take a walk to get some fresh air.

            The stretch marks and skin changes is also the worst things about being pregnant. I like to call mine purple spider webs all over the body. Never in my life had I imagined that I would be a victim of this. Then again there’s always going to be a first. I now believe that “Stretch marks are service stripes and the badge of a real women!”

Other horrible changes would be the lack of sleep due to the constant urination that I’m sure all pregnant women go through, not being able to control your bodily functions as you could before. It’s extremely embarrassing admitting this but like I said before, I’m going to be brutally honest. There have been times when I’ve sneezed, burped and peed a little all at the same time. Most times it’s trying to control my bladder while sneezing. Sigh.

Let’s not forget my least favourite, morning sickness. Whoever named it “morning” sickness should be shot dead! It happens anytime, anywhere without any notice. Thank god mine ended after the first trimester. Heartburn is another symptom that I despise which I only started feeling in my third trimester. It can cause sleepless nights and can be extremely uncomfortable.

The hormones don’t help either as it makes me more emotional than ever. I sometimes find myself crying and laughing for no reason at all. In fact, watching television can sometimes be a challenge, as I tend to get overly emotional at the characters playing their roles.

Let’s not forget the mood swing that comes and goes without any warning. I’m so glad to have a husband who is patient and understanding. He has been there to always lift me up whenever I’m down. He doesn’t take my yelling to heart and tries his best to keep me happy.

The constant worrying doesn’t help either. I find myself worrying about the kind of mother I would be. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I want to be the best mommy I can be to my baby but fear that I might not be able to be the ideal parent I’d like to be. There’s also the worry of whether my baby is going to accept me and not constantly cry.

Last but not least, the fear of labour pains and the labour itself. I once asked my mother how labour pains felt like and she said it’s the same as menstrual cramps but multiply it by a 1000 times! I used to suffer from severe menstrual cramps and finding out that labour pains can be worse that what I’ve experienced; only scared the hell out of me. Only god knows if I can handle it and I pray I can. After all women have had to for as long as we exist on this earth, then why not me…

The good stuff:

Now let’s get on with the best things that comes with pregnancy. First and foremost, the initial feeling you get when you find out you’re carrying a little person inside of you is completely out of this world. I don’t know about others, but once I got past the initial shock, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. I felt blessed, lucky and special all at the same time and I still fell that way.

I feel like a real woman knowing that I’m making a person inside of me. It’s an indescribable feeling to know that the little person is a by-product of the love my husband and I shared right before conceiving. The baby is going to have a little of me and a little of my husband in him. A mini-me/us of sorts. 

Breaking the news to family and friends is also amazing especially when they’re all so excited and happy for you and the baby. Their well wishes and concerns are comforting. Having the emotional support also helps significantly at times when I’m not feeling too good about myself.

Going for the initial and subsequent ultrasounds is awesome. Being able to see the baby with your own eyes and hearing his heartbeat is the best thing in the world. Witnessing him grow as the months go by is always a joy.

Finding out the sex of the baby is such a pleasant surprise that it can make you cry with joy happiness. At 24 weeks, my husband and I wanted to find if I’m carrying a little boy or a girl. We didn’t have a preference as it is our first baby and we only want it to be healthy but we thought it best that we find out so we can prepare for the little bugger. During an ultrasound, we actually saw it for ourselves. When the doctor confirmed it, that’s when we knew for sure that we’re having a little prince.

Both my husband and I were pleasantly surprised and were in tears when we found out. Breaking the news to everyone about the sex of the baby is also exciting as everyone makes initial guesses only to find out whether they are right or wrong.

Shopping for the baby is such fun. Though there’s a lot to buy but seeing the adorable little outfits can be really heart warming. I want to get everything I set my eyes on that I find cute and want to get the best of the essentials our boy is going to need.

Having my husband around and being as supportive as he has been is really a blessing. He has been by my side since the day we first found out that I’m pregnant. I am truly blessed for having such an amazing man in my life that has been understanding, supporting, loving and caring throughout the pregnancy. He makes it a point to make me as comfortable as I can be. He even cooks for me when I get extremely tired. Not to mention the massages I get when I’m completely beat.

I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant and the excitement and the impatience I’ve felt in the recent weeks have also been great. I have five weeks to go and I can’t wait for the day I’ll be able to hold my little precious baby boy in my arms and look at him for the very first time. I know it’s going to flood my eyes and it’s going to be the best thing in life that I have done.

Come to think of it, the excitement of having a baby does supersede all the negatives that come with being pregnant. It’s the best experience any woman can have. It would feel a whole lot better once I get to hold my baby boy and have him smile at me and grab my finger for the first time. I’m looking forward to the day when he’s going to call me mommy for the first time.

It hasn’t been easy and it’s definitely not going to get easier, but it’s definitely worth it when you have someone to call your own and to know that you’re going to be each other’s world for a long time. I’m looking forward to experiencing childbirth and being a mommy. Inshallah, I’ll be able to do my best and give my boy everything he needs and love him unconditionally.