Have you ever had someone rip your heart out and hand it to you, then leave you to bleed to death? I have, more than once.
I remember being in love as a child. I used to adore, admire and look forward to being with the man who made me feel safe and protected.
He used to take such good care of me. He took me everywhere he went. He showed me off to all his friends and I always saw love, affection and pride in his eyes for me.
Then one day I grew up. I became a teen and everything changed.
He became authoritative. He started watching and controlling my every move. He still loved me and took care of me, but not without conditions.
The love, affection and pride I was so used to seeing turned into resentment and disappointment.
I stayed till I lost my sanity. I lost the trust I had in him. I lost the love he had for me. I lost my father forever.
I have never looked back since. Never believed that I could find someone who could give me the security and the love he once gave me as a child.
From then on, every time I fell in love again, I ended up alone and broken.
I always believed I was worthy of love. That someone, somewhere would someday see my worth and make me his forever. Someone who could understand my heart, my love and my soul.
Many came and left, and in the end no one stayed long enough for me to feel the love and affection I used to feel. Somehow I managed to make them stop loving me.
And for that they all ripped my heart out and left me to bleed without mercy.
I sometimes wonder what have I ever done to deserve such a sad and unfortunate fate. A life without true love…
Maybe someone, someday, somewhere would help me understand the pain that comes with this life. The unfortunate fate of loneliness we inherit and how to go on with life without ever resenting it.
Maybe… Insyallah…
