Empathy

Has anyone of you ever empathized with a family member, a friend, a colleague or even a stranger?

The reason why I’m asking this question is because through experience I have met people who somehow cannot seem to relate to others' feelings. In order for us to empathize, we need to first understand what it means to be empathetic.

EMPATHY. Empathy is the ability to identify with someone’s feelings and it is directly dependant on our ability to feel and identify our own feelings.

Now, if you have never felt a certain feeling, it will not only be hard but impossible for you to understand how the other person is feeling. This holds true for both pleasure and pain.

If you have never been discriminated against or been in love, you will never know the pain or pleasure someone feels from it. Reading about a feeling and intellectually knowing about it is very different than actually experiencing it for yourself.

Those who can empathize are those who are able to relate to more people from all walks of life. And then there are those who cannot seem to relate to others, most likely because they haven’t experienced, acknowledged or accepted many feelings of their own.

The first step to be able to empathize is to be able to experience your own emotions. Then, you need to become aware of what you are actually feeling, acknowledge, identify, and accept your feelings. Only then can you empathize with others. That’s why it is important to work on your own emotional awareness and sensitivity, in other words, to be “in touch with” your own feelings.

Throughout my life I have been blessed with many amazing and wonderful friends. My friends are those who have always been there for me and have never given me grief over anything. They are the ones who try their utmost best to understand my problems and try to empathize as best as they can. They have always meant well and have always wanted the best for me.

These are friends I have kept in my life for years and never plan to let go.

I have also met people who at first seem to be really nice and understanding, but then you find out that in fact they never really did understand you and never had the heart to tell you because they really wanted to be there for you and didn’t want you to feel alone.

It does seem like a kind gesture but kindness is not what you need when you’re balling and desperately need someone to understand and empathize with what you’re going through. These are the ones you’d like to trust but find it hard as they don’t seem true to themselves, let alone to you.

And finally I have met those who just can’t wait to glorify your problems and then find ways to make light of it and somehow manage to hurt you by making it more difficult for you to get over. 

This is when I step in and plead with them not to make things worse if they can’t help. They are not doing you any favors by pretending to understand and then saying things they believe to be advice but to you it feels like an attack of some kind that lacks sensitivity. You feel this way because you know deep down they just don’t get it. They don’t get the depth of the problem, why it’s even bothering you or how badly you’ve been affected by it. Instead of asking questions and trying to understand, they make assumptions. And we all know what that means; ASS.U.ME. 

This is when I really think people should stop. Don’t bother. It’s sweet and thoughtful that they even want to help. But when it starts to get worse, please walk away. Leave things be. Leave them be.

If you can’t be a good friend and a listener, please don’t be a bad one! Saves us all the trouble.

This is a great quote I think that perfectly sums up what I’m trying to convey,

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Bonnie Jean Wasmund.