For You

If you’re reading this, know that this is a message from the bottom of my heart.

I never thought I would ever have to feel this way. You betrayed me.

You broke my heart and I keep asking myself what I ever did to deserve such a betrayal from you.

I was always there for you. I may not have been there for you the way you wanted me to but I was still always there. I always tried harder with you.

I respected you. Treated you as an equal and always took your problems seriously without judgment. I even gave you advice when you needed it the most.

I was always true to you. Never bitched about you. Never belittled you in front of others.

But all you ever did ever since the beginning of our “friendship” was use me for your own sick and selfish needs.

You held on to me when you were lonely, without anyone on your side and I never turned you down. And when you were done with me, you threw me away like I was garbage. You never kept in touch when you left and only came back to me when you lost your “best friend” and had problems with the rest. I still received you with open arms without question.

I was hurt many times by the things you said and all that you did but I always gave you the benefit of the doubt as I empathized with you and all that you were going through. I actually believed that you never meant them.

You even told me that you never cared for me and you didn’t like me. You called me dumb bimbo and actually believed in it and probably still do. You never accepted me for who I was.

Everything you have ever said to me was never true. What we had was fake all along. You were fake but a very good actor.

You fooled me into believing that you really cared and loved me and only wanted the best for me but all you ever did was use my weaknesses against me and humiliate me.

I told you things that were only meant for your ears. I even requested for you never to tell anyone. I even made you promised. But you just couldn’t wait to tell the first person you met about the latest gossip and you enjoyed every bit of it.

You even gave me advice that you never cared for much. You lied to my face. You made me believe you were a true friend.

I never questioned you or ever belittled you. I was always there to try to pick you up whenever you were down. I never humiliated you. I never betrayed you. I could never imagine doing it to you.

Even though all you ever told me were lies, I would still like to thank you for making me feel better when I needed a friend. I’m grateful for the lies.

I would also like to thank you for reminding me to always be careful with my heart and to always trust my instinct. That’s when the soul is telling you something. Only someone with a soul would understand the importance of trusting your instinct.

You never could empathize for me. You never even tried. All you ever did was gave excuses. You never take responsibility for the things that comes out of your mouth. You don’t even care about the damage you cause others.

Always remember, my “dear” friend, words are all we have. Always own what you say. Have some guts to look deep into yourself and accept all that you are. Be it good or bad. Only then might you be able to learn to love and care for another human being. And if you’re lucky, you might even learn how to empathize with others along the way.

I always told you, appreciate all that you have. Be grateful for the friends and family you have in your life, those who genuinely care about you. Do not assume that just because you’re a betrayer and a selfish liar, others are the same.

There are still honest and genuine people out there. Take my word for it, not everyone is like you. You were lucky to have such a person in your life.

You said you can’t empathize with me because you don’t trust me. How can that be when I have proven to you time and time again that you are never alone for as long as I’m still here. I even convinced you of the good I saw in you. I meant every word I said to you, whether you believe it or not.

What I can’t seem to phantom is why you did this to me? Is this how you treat the ones who love you and care about you?

Remember my “dear” friend, someone who cannot empathize and isn’t grateful for all they are blessed with will eventually end up losing everything. You’ll lose everyone. Your fears of being alone, isolated and deserted will surface again and you will start living your own worst nightmare. After all we are our own worst enemy.

For you own sake, from one human being to another, please get some professional help. You have a major problem.

Before you plan to embark on your new journey, you should resolve all your issues so you will never have to put them on those who love you. They don’t deserve anything more than your loyalty, honesty and empathy.

Stop being selfish for once in your life and start taking responsibility for ALL your actions. Face the consequences and never be too proud to apologize. And when I say apologize, it should be sincerely from the heart.

Also, stop trying to please everyone because while you’re so caught up on being who others want you to be, you’ll end up losing yourself, or in your case, worst still, never finding out who you ever are.

I never thought I’d ever say this to you but I really pity you. You don’t deserve friends! You don’t even know how to be one yourself!

You should never forget the guilt you feeling right now. Let it be a reminder for you never to betray, humiliate, lie and belittle anyone. No one deserves it, not even someone like you.

Anyway, I wish you the best in all that you attempt to embark upon. I hope someday you will find love and peace within yourself.  

Have a soul…

Empathy

Has anyone of you ever empathized with a family member, a friend, a colleague or even a stranger?

The reason why I’m asking this question is because through experience I have met people who somehow cannot seem to relate to others' feelings. In order for us to empathize, we need to first understand what it means to be empathetic.

EMPATHY. Empathy is the ability to identify with someone’s feelings and it is directly dependant on our ability to feel and identify our own feelings.

Now, if you have never felt a certain feeling, it will not only be hard but impossible for you to understand how the other person is feeling. This holds true for both pleasure and pain.

If you have never been discriminated against or been in love, you will never know the pain or pleasure someone feels from it. Reading about a feeling and intellectually knowing about it is very different than actually experiencing it for yourself.

Those who can empathize are those who are able to relate to more people from all walks of life. And then there are those who cannot seem to relate to others, most likely because they haven’t experienced, acknowledged or accepted many feelings of their own.

The first step to be able to empathize is to be able to experience your own emotions. Then, you need to become aware of what you are actually feeling, acknowledge, identify, and accept your feelings. Only then can you empathize with others. That’s why it is important to work on your own emotional awareness and sensitivity, in other words, to be “in touch with” your own feelings.

Throughout my life I have been blessed with many amazing and wonderful friends. My friends are those who have always been there for me and have never given me grief over anything. They are the ones who try their utmost best to understand my problems and try to empathize as best as they can. They have always meant well and have always wanted the best for me.

These are friends I have kept in my life for years and never plan to let go.

I have also met people who at first seem to be really nice and understanding, but then you find out that in fact they never really did understand you and never had the heart to tell you because they really wanted to be there for you and didn’t want you to feel alone.

It does seem like a kind gesture but kindness is not what you need when you’re balling and desperately need someone to understand and empathize with what you’re going through. These are the ones you’d like to trust but find it hard as they don’t seem true to themselves, let alone to you.

And finally I have met those who just can’t wait to glorify your problems and then find ways to make light of it and somehow manage to hurt you by making it more difficult for you to get over. 

This is when I step in and plead with them not to make things worse if they can’t help. They are not doing you any favors by pretending to understand and then saying things they believe to be advice but to you it feels like an attack of some kind that lacks sensitivity. You feel this way because you know deep down they just don’t get it. They don’t get the depth of the problem, why it’s even bothering you or how badly you’ve been affected by it. Instead of asking questions and trying to understand, they make assumptions. And we all know what that means; ASS.U.ME. 

This is when I really think people should stop. Don’t bother. It’s sweet and thoughtful that they even want to help. But when it starts to get worse, please walk away. Leave things be. Leave them be.

If you can’t be a good friend and a listener, please don’t be a bad one! Saves us all the trouble.

This is a great quote I think that perfectly sums up what I’m trying to convey,

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Bonnie Jean Wasmund.